Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
