You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
