Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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