I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
