I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
