Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found puke in my bra..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
