So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
