i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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