we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
