I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
