I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i came on her dog
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize