I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
