not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
