Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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