i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm bleeding and have questions
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
