Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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