My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
