i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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