They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
