census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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