i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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