My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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