you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
