I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
