I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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