So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
