Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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