In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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