The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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