Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
