sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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