i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
