the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
