i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
