Soap is not a condiment
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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