Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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