i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Randomize
