let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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