My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just gift wrapped bread.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
