so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
