hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize