I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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