as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
