she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
