I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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