Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
