I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
