my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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