A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
