Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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