WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Me too!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
