She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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