I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
