My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
