i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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