Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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