Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize