Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
