You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
