I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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