Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize