how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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