so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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