I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
did you just send me my own nude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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