I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
