I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
