Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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