ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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