It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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