I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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