fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
