Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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