That's intense
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My cat gives me a boner
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
