You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
