Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
