my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
