I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize