I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
