so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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