Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
