I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize