Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
