hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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